I am writing to inquire about my Hogsmeade permission form. I sent it to you on the very first day of school and I am anxiously waiting for it to return with your signature on it. But don't rush, Daddy. Missing out on trips like this allows me more time to write letters to you. Yes. Things in Hogwarts are going quite swimmingly. I'm the most popular boy in school, even Harry Potter likes me. I'm also the darling of every classroom and the favourite of ever professor who has any sense. Oh, oh! Most importantly, I have mastered the use of the potty. Yes, yes. I admit I was a late bloomer, but you can imagine my pride as I strolled into Charms and said, "Oh, hello, gents. Professor Flitwick. Sorry for my tardiness. I was just learning how to use the potty." Oh, how the children laughed with me in celebration. I like making people laugh. I also like the potty. I know you haven't done so all year, but you can feel free to write me anytime.

Hugs and butterfly kisses,

Your Draco.

P.S. Tell Mama to bugger off.